DIY: How to Kill a Cockroach

You may have heard of the Giant Cockroach Fiasco of 2011...I will refresh your memory: it involved the biggest cockroach I have ever seen, a tent on an African safari, complete darkness, one flashlight, four screaming girls, and one little square of toilet paper. But I don't want to think about that horrible experience right now.

Ashley and I had been planning the execution of our friend Bartholomew for a few days.  He'd been residing in one of the cupboards in the kitchen for the last week. We just left him there to do his thing. I have written the five easy steps to killing any cockroach you may come across. Enjoy!

The first thing you will need is bug spray. This is the kind I like to use. I found it under the kitchen sink. I have had good results, but the fumes are terrible. Make sure to leave the premises for a few days to avoid death.

Make sure you arm yourself pre-opening of the cupboard.








Next step, open the cupboard. Unfortunately for us, our surprise attack was foiled when old Barty surprised us by being in the cupboard under the sink instead of his usual hide-out. This came as a great shock, and there was a lot of screaming involved. Luckily we had already prepared ourselves with the bug spray.

He was crawling around on those bottles.





Now that the target is in sight, spray until the insect scares you too much, and you can't take it anymore and run across the room. Or he runs further into the cupboard to die.

A combination of both of these things may have happened to us.

Upon further examination the latter definitely had occurred. Don't be too grossed out by those legs.





After removing all obstacles to find the dead cockroach, use the available resources to remove the body from the scene.

As you can see, we used a plunger.










After you have removed the body, use the dustpan to pick it up.

Then, take the dustpan outside, and throw it off the roof (well, we on the roof, so that is where we threw it off of) because you don't even want that in the garbage until garbage day, which happens to be Friday.